sunnyside up!

(leave your worries on the doorstep)

back to work!

Geez, I’m really not finding all the free time I thought I would have to blog.  Been quite busy finishing up a short freelance web job for a psychotherapist, helping out the New York Writers Coalition with a site overhaul, and getting ready to go back to work — in film production!

I decided to accept GS’s offer to come work on her doc.  The timing seems serendipitous.  Plus: I’m getting tired of not hearing back from HR people.  You get a nibble, then a phone interview — then nothing.  In two cases I was promised interviews with the hiring or senior manager — then not even a call to let me know what’s going on, whether they had filled the job or decided I wasn’t a good candidate after all.  And no response to my emails — rude!  I sought a little advice from my friend N who pointed out that the downside of continuing to look for a job is that I might become discouraged.   That certainly seems to prove truer with each passing day.

So, there’s that.  Plus, the idea of working on something REAL and TANGIBLE and LASTING has me so excited I can barely sit still.  I can’t remember the last time I felt like I really wanted to invest myself to the degree I am expecting to with this work.  Already, with my first assignment to review various sources of funding and come up with strategies for approaching each has me feeling heady and totally engaged.

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CB had me over for lunch yesterday.  He had the day off and was working on his website, but still took time to fix us a delicious chicken ceasar salad.  Did I tell you how happy I am that CB is back in my neighborhood and my life?  He’s a great role model for me with his clean living (I’m trying!) and he’s just so knowledgeable on so many topics and so interested in so many things!  One thing we both love is “Grey Gardens” (although I have only seen the movie and not the musical stage production).   Chris showed me a strange video clip of two Beale-like women, i.e., crazy and ranting, lounging on a bed in a cramped, cluttered room, and related to each other somehow — in this case they appear to be sisters.  The clip was posted on one of CB’s FB friend’s profile pages, so I can’t access it yet — but as soon as I have it I will post.  We couldn’t decide whether it was real or a put-on (I think the latter).  You will have to decide.  Check back soon.

sunday veg-out

Our Sundays generally feature two regular events: RJr’s weekly physics/calculus tutoring, and televised Italian Series A soccer.  We schedule the tutoring around the soccer, depending on which match is most interesting to R.  This week there was no question we’d be watching the live broadcast of the Inter/AC Milan game (2:30 EST).

The soccer schedule also dictates the type of midday meal I’ll serve. I decided on things that would be easy to transport into the living room and eat without having to mess with too many utensils — just in case meal time ran into the beginning of the game.  I made an onion and goat cheese tart using the onions FOB gave me last weekend and the recipe given to me by NR.  Also, a spinach and mushroom quiche — presented as spinach and mushroom pie so as not to offend the sensibilities of my real men.  Everything turned out great, but at some point I really do have to learn to make a decent pie crust.  The one I used for the quiche was frozen, and it was slightly sweet and a little mealy.

While the guys watched the game I dozed in the bedroom.  I hadn’t really slept well the night before (I think I was still a bit shocked by the news that my kids are going to have a new, much younger sibling before long), but I couldn’t really get a good nap in either.  Too much stuff spinning around in my head.  Very thankful to have had the Monday holiday to unwind a bit more.  Very thankful for Pink Martini’s encouraging “Hang on Little Tomato” — found the audio available on YouTube, below.

it walked with its arms swinging

Song of Childhood
By Peter Handke

When the child was a child
It walked with its arms swinging,
wanted the brook to be a river,
the river to be a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.

(read the whole poem here)

This poem is recited in one of my all-time favorite movies, Wim Wender’s Wings of Desire.  Bittersweet and beautiful.

they used to tell me I was building a dream

random thoughts on valentine’s day

I don’t have anything for Paul for Valentine’s Day this year.  He said not to bother since I’ve no job hence, no extra spending money, but I usually do like to give him a little something — especially chocolates from Jacques Torres.  Ever since I made the “Master and Commander” valentine (about 4 or 5 years ago) it’s been pretty hard to come up with anything better.

My cousin’s husband, RV, sent his wife some kind of Facebook gift-app valentine.  It was unintentionally funny, too, as it read “Free Love” and I don’t think R, being from another country and not totally up to speed on America’s bizarre cultural history (especially in the 1960s-70s) understood what we think of when we think of “Free Love.”

* * * * * * *

I’ve been experiencing a lot of sad feelings lately — I’ve shared some of them with some of you.   Those of you who know the story know that it was a struggle to mend the damage that arose from a particular individual’s selfish and neglectful behavior late last year.  I was just starting to settle down again, after being left so emotionally drained by the whole debacle, when a new chapter of the drama unfolded, setting everything in motion again.  Without having to recap, let me just alert those of you following the soap-opera to this latest plot twist:  the T family tree is sprouting another new and diverse branch — scheduled to blossom in later August/early September.

Having sad feelings is sad, but at least it’s not depression and I can at least feel happy that I recognize the difference enough to know I’m not depressed!

Also: being jobless makes me focus on things of a more urgent nature — sticking to a budget and looking for ways to raise cash and cut costs — and prevents me from indulging in any real regret or self-pity.  Paul tasked me with an activity I’ve been enjoying: rolling up the coins he’s been stashing in his big Arizona Iced Tea one gallon bottle.  So far, I’ve rolled and wrapped about $240 and the bottle is not yet half empty.  The goal is to gather about $1,000 which is what we need for our accommodations in Rome next month.

The Rome trip was planned before I lost my job and the flights are already paid so we just need to save up $$ for the apartment rental.  It will be the last — but most exotic and exciting — of our visits to check out colleges for R Jr.  We’ll be looking at the American University of Rome and John Cabot University, both in the Trastevere section.  I can’t wait!