sunnyside up!

(leave your worries on the doorstep)

catching up

So sorry to have neglected you, my three readers, for so long!  It’s been rather hectic, what with trying to get together our proposal for inclusion in this year’s GoodPitch at SILVERDOCS.  Between reviewing the trailer, drafting and redrafting the treatment, meeting with our lawyer, etc. there’s been little downtime, and what downtime I do find I spend researching the subject:  defending the teaching of evolution in American public school science classes.  I don’t think I need to tell you folks that unless something is done to improve the situation we can expect American children to grow up  greatly disadvantaged to compete in our ever-shrinking world.

Anyway, homework has included re-watching the NOVA episode, “Judgment Day: Intelligent Design on Trial,” which recounts the recent landmark Kitzmiller v. Dover case in which U.S. District Court Judge Jones ruled: “Intelligent design is a thinly veiled attempt to introduce creationism into the public schools and as such violates the Establishment Clause separating state and religion.”

Also, this debate on evolution vs. creationism hosted by William F. Buckley in 1997 on his old “Firing Line” program.  Intensely interesting, but honestly it’s very difficult to watch such super-educated, high-IQ people deny the overwhelming evidence for evolution.  Makes you wonder if there’s any point in trying to debate.

Also, Dr. Kenneth Miller’s book, “Only a Theory.” Fascinating reading it really opened my eyes to the magnitude of the ignorance.

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AW has had time to work on her blog, Pixel Kitchen, as well as contributing posts to the Washington DC MetBlogs.  AW pointed me to this post in the Washingtonian about an “Irish-themed dinner for under $25” that feeds six, with recipes by an up-and-coming DC chef.  She knows I’m a frugal foodie!  My own frugality manifsted itself today in my using my overripe bananas and stale Italian bread to make this banana bread pudding.

memories: you’re talking about memories.

Walking around in a bit of a haze this morning.

I couldn’t sleep last night, and ended up watching Blade Runner on cable.  I have always loved this movie.  To me, the atmosphere of 2019 Los Angeles feels right: the weird climate (always raining, smog-filtered sun barely able to shine down through the ridiculously tall buildings and dense air traffic), the ethnic mix of Latino and Asian folks dominating the dirty and overcrowded L.A. streets, the incredible shoddiness and decrepitude of everything.  Despite all the amazing technologies on display in storefront cloning labs, L.A. still looks like a shithole.

The film is not about memory, but memories do figure into the plot.  Deckert, the blade runner (played by Harrison Ford) must identify and destroy some runaway replicants manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation.  The newest model replicants are implanted with memories which make them unaware of the truth of what they are.

Between Blade Runner – which is so depressing and fatalistic on so many levels — and the film I sat through earlier in the evening, Elia Kazan’s East of Eden, by 2:30 a.m. I found myself emotionally drained and yet all on edge at the same time. I could not stop crying and as a result I became all stuffy nosed and plain miserable.

If you haven’t seen it, East of Eden centers around an angst-ridden teenager (played by James Dean) trying to win his cold father’s approval and coming to terms with his mother’s being a big-time whorehouse operator.  Given the complicated developments surrounding my own family, this was probably not the best thing for me to be watching.  Chasing it with a midnight dose of Blade Runner was certainly a mistake.

It was 3 am before I decided to take one of the Lunesta I have stashed, and it was 3:30 before I could feel it taking affect.  I woke up this morning at 7:30 and I know that is not enough sleep when you’ve taken a pill.

I’m starting to realize that a lot of what I’m feeling must have to do with the fact that I’ll be an empty-nester soon.  So, maybe a few crying jags and a few sleepless nights are to be expected.  I will work on better ways to deal with it than staying up all night watching movies that make you question your existence, your humanity and your parental integrity.  I will certainly not make taking a sleeping pill a habit (note to self: more yoga).

Even if I’ve been dealing with things badly lately, I know for sure I’m dealing with them better than that certain someone who finds it necessary to start all over again with another child.

back to work!

Geez, I’m really not finding all the free time I thought I would have to blog.  Been quite busy finishing up a short freelance web job for a psychotherapist, helping out the New York Writers Coalition with a site overhaul, and getting ready to go back to work — in film production!

I decided to accept GS’s offer to come work on her doc.  The timing seems serendipitous.  Plus: I’m getting tired of not hearing back from HR people.  You get a nibble, then a phone interview — then nothing.  In two cases I was promised interviews with the hiring or senior manager — then not even a call to let me know what’s going on, whether they had filled the job or decided I wasn’t a good candidate after all.  And no response to my emails — rude!  I sought a little advice from my friend N who pointed out that the downside of continuing to look for a job is that I might become discouraged.   That certainly seems to prove truer with each passing day.

So, there’s that.  Plus, the idea of working on something REAL and TANGIBLE and LASTING has me so excited I can barely sit still.  I can’t remember the last time I felt like I really wanted to invest myself to the degree I am expecting to with this work.  Already, with my first assignment to review various sources of funding and come up with strategies for approaching each has me feeling heady and totally engaged.

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CB had me over for lunch yesterday.  He had the day off and was working on his website, but still took time to fix us a delicious chicken ceasar salad.  Did I tell you how happy I am that CB is back in my neighborhood and my life?  He’s a great role model for me with his clean living (I’m trying!) and he’s just so knowledgeable on so many topics and so interested in so many things!  One thing we both love is “Grey Gardens” (although I have only seen the movie and not the musical stage production).   Chris showed me a strange video clip of two Beale-like women, i.e., crazy and ranting, lounging on a bed in a cramped, cluttered room, and related to each other somehow — in this case they appear to be sisters.  The clip was posted on one of CB’s FB friend’s profile pages, so I can’t access it yet — but as soon as I have it I will post.  We couldn’t decide whether it was real or a put-on (I think the latter).  You will have to decide.  Check back soon.

it walked with its arms swinging

Song of Childhood
By Peter Handke

When the child was a child
It walked with its arms swinging,
wanted the brook to be a river,
the river to be a torrent,
and this puddle to be the sea.

(read the whole poem here)

This poem is recited in one of my all-time favorite movies, Wim Wender’s Wings of Desire.  Bittersweet and beautiful.

juggling joblets

Haven’t posted here in the past few days.  I was off on the North Fork of Long Island visiting with GS, who is working on a very interesting film and said she could use a little help in the form of an associate producer.  I hadn’t actually expected the trip to turn into a work thing, but since I don’t have enough work and have been looking for something more meaningful and creative to devote myself to, G’s offer was a welcome one.

For those of you who don’t know G, you can read about her work here on the re-launched Jezebel website (courtesy yours truly).

I have done this type of work before — it’s challenging and exciting.  Mostly it’s pitching the film — writing and talking to people — two things I love to do.  The question is whether I can continue to live on the nickles and dimes the small web jobs bring in while trying to come up production financing.  While a large part of me LOVES being independent again, a small part of me is missing the income and benefits that come with a full-time position in white collar America.

Of course, I’ve been looking for that full-time position for a couple of months now and there’s no reason for me to believe that I will find one anytime soon.

All things to be considered…